Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Kareema’s step-by-step guide to third year Computer Science projects


SOFTWARE ENGINEERING
  • Form a group.
    • You’re probably going to attempt choosing your friends as team members. There’s nothing I can do to help you avoid this. Just learn the hard way, sucker.
    • Make sure you have at least one multimedia student, they work their asses off and don’t get the recognition they deserve - rocking in the realms of prettiness and cleverness (coding or anything else). Plus they have the creative intuition you will be sure to lack if you’re a BSc Computer Science. It won’t hurt if your multimedia student is Gree-, I mean Cypriot. This will ensure cultural diversity leading to many a controversial interesting conversation while you’re supposed to be working.
    • You know that guy you’ve seen in all your classes since first year, but have never spoken to? I recommend you offer him to join you. He’s a good coder, I promise. I won’t even begin to talk about his pristine articulacy.
    • Bear in mind the “documentation is for the ladies” rule and look out for self righteous girls who enjoy coding.
  • Choose a project
    • You’re all going to want different projects, so stop being an idiot and just choose the one offered by the Polelo Research group. They’re cooler. Plus you’ll get to meet EEEEZRRAAAAA! and a certain Wojcik who’ll incidentally be marking your documentation.
    • Go meet your client often to suck up so that at the end of the year they’ll give you good marks. Don’t forget to make the appropriate “oohs” and “aahs” when looking at their holiday photos.
    • The first demo will probably suck because your approach to a demo is probably going to be different for each member. Not to mention, you’re suddenly going to stop answering the evaluator’s questions and start wondering what the purpose of meaning is. Don’t worry about this. It’ll get better.
  • Cut your losses
    • "...to stop wasting time or money (or faith in) on something by ending your connection to it." – taken from The Free Dictionary dot com
    • You know what this means don’t you?
    • Try your best to do this before said LOSS talks to the lecturer about how pathetic the team is before deserting the rest of you.
    • Kick its hairy little ugly ass if you can too.
    • Once you take care of this (business, boy!), demos will be a lot easier.
  • Get your act together
    • Stop messing around and start working!!! That forming storming norming shmorming whatever kak is kind of true, despite your sincere passionate hatred toward anyone who attempts to create a science of group projects and their dynamics.
    • Start rounding up. Impossible, I know.
    • Declare a Compliments Day and flatter your fellow team members for no reason whatsoever.
  • Project Fair Day
    • Listen to all that Jazz on the ProjectFairInstructions.doc. It helps.
    • It would help to learn how to bullshit before this day. Perhaps you’ll pick up a tip or two from the other demos.
    • Perhaps not :/
    • Take lots of photos. This day is going to stay with you for a long time.
    • Diss anyone who offers you a job just for fun. ESPECIALLY if they mention the fact that you’re non-white. Then go hug your team members.
    • Bring water and lip gloss; you’re going to get sick of telling everyone the same shit.
    • Watch everyone else get awards, go home, eat ice cream and kiss 301 goodbye forever.
    • Don’t ever forget your team members. It was fun while it lasted wasn’t it?


Good Luck!
Love Karee :)

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Coffee & Google

That's what it's all about these days. The Gzzt is no longer something I do to thrill myself and laugh at how my hand can't stay still. It's become a necessity.

Like... the feeling of the sun burning your skin while sitting on cement blocks so cold, you're nearly positive your ass will stay there when you finally surrender to the freezing shade that's been haunting you all day and just... go back to Polelo (hello! {oh, i kill myself :D}) and try not to ignore the fact that project fair day is around the corner.

Like... Human contact. No matter how much you try and deny it.

The truth is those Jacarandas that line the Geography building are still yellow-green and I realise somewhere in between the OMGOMGOMGTHERE'SSOMUCHTOWORRYABOUT that I never took the time to take note of exactly when in the year they go purple.
AND!
If I'm lucky I'll be gone soon and won't have to wonder about it even if I wanted to. Of course, it's not that I have to right now but I've always been a dramatic emo sap.

WHAT??

Stop judging me. I mean, why are you even reading this? Are you on a sugar high or something?

Friday, July 20, 2007

Thanks Alot.

The University of Blogging

Presents to
Kareema Ismail

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Attention Seeking

Majoring in
Non Sequiturs
Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com
®

Username:


Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Hmm hehe lol omg yeah haha

Beware these words, fellow texters. If it’s all you’re getting, you’re doing something WRONG! Set your status to “Appear Offline” and get some sleep, we all know you never sign out.
So this is the July Recess, huh? Why do they call it a recess if you’re still going to campus everyday, playing Scattered in the Polelo Research Lab huh? Yeah the third year software engineering project kind of blows. I shouldn’t complain. Enrichment or something… I’ll find a justification for it sooner or later.
It snowed the other day here? Snow. Pfff. If you can call slight sleet snow. Hehe. Slight sleet snow. Oh, I crack me up.

Ahem sorry about that. Anyway I’ve been thinking a lot about Muhammad’s slightly disturbing obsession with the concept of nothing, and indulged shamelessly in it this July Recess. I haven’t found the purpose of meaning yet. But I suppose it gave me the chance to discover a few treasures. People and other things.

  • Facebook. I’m SO not commenting on this one. *evil facebook whores. All, ALL of them!!!*

  • Rock from the 60’s and 70’s, compliments of a certain happy texter we won’t mention.

  • Led Zeppelin to quote said Happy Texter, “to be a rock and not to rolll..”

  • Santa Baby, originally performed and recorded by Eartha Kitt, not Marilyn Monroe, a common misconception – been stuck in my head for a while now.

  • Urban Dictionary. OMW! I’m a bit irritated with how people give stupid definitions of their own names and their girlfriend’s. Imagine the possibilities. And I won’t even get started on the ones that can’t even speak English but want to define stuff. Have to admit though. It can be fun looking up your own and friend’s names. For example.

  • Tomb Raider Anniversary Nice. Speaking of which, Lara Croft has a new model, whose name is Karima Adebibe. (Point of interest, for ME anyway) Apparently her head looks too small for her body, but we won’t go into that.

  • I kicked AI’s ass. Ok maybe I prodded it a little. But I passed! And it was fun.

  • 30 seconds and family go together. *grin*



“Buh-bum.. buh-bum...”
Pfff.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Cyanide and Happiness

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Monday, May 28, 2007

Networking

I left my cell phone in the grey lab the other day. But this is not how this story will be told.
It was a usually horrible day on campus, filled with the traditional stress, contempt of absolutely everything and general lack of social life. Our networking project was due the next day and considering networking has been our absolute worst subject all year, things were pretty tense. This, naturally, was good enough reason for us to promptly give up and choose a place to eat at lunch time instead of prioritising our lives and postponing lunch. Coffee at Burgundy’s on campus serves a cheap horrific margherita pizza and the place is frequented by lecturers who have somehow forgotten that one lowers ones voice when indoors. But as we all should know by now, I don’t mind weird lecturers. Burgundy’s was getting to me somehow. “Coffee at Burgundy’s is a unique upmarket licensed casual Restaurant aimed at all sectors of the public and has captured the market.” Yeah sure. Maybe at every single other branch except the damn University of Pretoria one. Gosh it sucks. It looks like some cheap hotel in New Orleans in a bad supposedly smutty romance movie with blotchy British actors. The kind that you watch on a rainy night because there’s nothing else on and your heater’s broken and your skin is itching. Anyway we order the horrific pizza (I’m not complaining though, I didn’t pay) and ice cold water (oh my word, only university students can ask for ice cold water in this weather) and we’re tucking in when Thohira gets this phone call. It’s Zak, my sister’s best friend. Why on earth is Zak phoning Thohira? Thohira is giving me this incredulous look and I’m wondering if maybe someone is dead. She pointedly tells Muhammad and not me to take this number down because I don’t have a phone. What the hell? It’s only then when I realise I don’t in fact have it any more. Somehow my network rose up to contact me and the sad news about that pathetic 3310 did eventually get to me. So the list of people that were involved grew and grew throughout the day. Roughly it goes that William picked it up in the grey lab, called Ebrahim who contacted Shakira who called Andrea (some person I don’t know) who called Michelle who told Farah who called Saaj who called Zak who called Thohira who, yelled and laughed shamelessly at poor me. Then I picked it up from the Joyce, the secretary on the 17th floor of the HSB who told me some random Chinese person was trying to call. I stopped caring about failing Networking that day. I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank all these people, whether I know them or not.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Our Lady Peace

Oh, Johnny wishes he was famous
Spends his time alone
In the basement
With Lennon and Cobain
A guitar and a stereo
While he wishes he Could escape this
It all seems so contagious
Not to be yourself and faceless
In a song that has no soul
I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped
We are, We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are, we are
We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are...
Oh, Tina’s losing faith in what she knows
Hates her music Hates all of her clothes
Thinks of surgery
And a new nose
Every calorie is a war
While she wishes she Was a dancer
And that she'd never Heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her
Some answers
And make her feel beautiful
One day
You'll have to let it go,
One day You'll stand up on your own, you'll stand up on your own
Remember losing hope, Remember feeling low, Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are, we are, We are all innocent,
we are all innocent
We are, we are...

Friday, April 27, 2007

Stuff I don't mind so much

I hate a lot of stuff. But you don't see me abusing the Internet by bitching and moaning about it all my life, do you? Have you noticed how that's a newly emerging trend? Seriously, you can't just go around saying,
"I hate:
  • short insecure men
  • people who spell wrong and still act clever
  • people who blog
  • people who bitch and moan on the Internet
  • people who are artificial
  • the pussycat dolls
  • COS 332
  • bollywood
  • AIDS
  • fuss

I think I'll start a website! Or maybe a blog!"

We all hate people. Most of the human race sucks, yes, but wasn't the idea to ignore this and act like everything is ok and normal so that we can suppress our emotions and carry on living? I mean haven't you people heard? It's all about the masquerade now. The only reason you smile at some people is to get through the moment. The moment's over soon. Then afterward you wonder... was it a moment at all? You weren't yourself, you were some plastic mask smiling at someone you'd rather do something much else to. It wasn't real. So does that mean it's only real when you go and blog and bitch and moan? I hate the expression "letting yourself go" but that's what it is, isn't it?
Hmm.. I change my mind. Anonymity is a great gift given to us by the Geeks that Be. People do suck.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Organic Condensation

I would say, in my extreme non-climatologist, obscenely uninformed opinion, that it’s Autumn. I didn’t form this opinion by observing the colour of the leaves, or the falling or absence thereof. It wasn’t even a subconscious note in the change of temperature. I’ve decided it’s Autumn because of unsavoury current events in a little World called Laudium. For a minute there, I’m 14 again and sitting at various social events that make me think of words like, “isolated,” “anti-nostalgic,” and for some strange reason, “dementor.” It’s a bit odd to think that my personality has this annoying tendency to insist on pretending to be social the same time every year. The outcome is always the same, so why the hell doesn’t it learn? There are these beings, who, despite the fact that it is impossible to relate to them on any human grounds, have the ability to suck your soul from your body. (Aaah, ok… “dementor”!)
I’m 19 and there it goes this year again so jaap… it’s Autumn!
And alright, they’re pretty but let’s face it, plastic is bad for our planet, people! Honestly, is there anything more disgusting than useless unintelligent synthetic material which simply refuses to decompose… even way after it’s served its purpose? I’m not bitching or moaning or being all bitter. I’m just saying. It’s Autumn, damnit! and it’s… odd ;)

Monday, March 12, 2007

H2


Too bad fluorescent pink isn't orange.

Not H2


When I'm big... Refer to Taarness

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Engel and I

Lecturers are the best. Does anyone ever wonder what happened to these people? And are they only eccentric in the computer science department or everywhere? It’s kind of great, actually. You never have to face the real world if you’re a lecturer. You finish your studies and then you can just hover there and pretend to continue your student life, haunting the corridors and halls that once was your territory and is now just your… haunt. They always say the world of academics is a world of its own, and I sometimes wonder if I want to get my degree and then bugger off or become a shell of my future former student self.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Why Ribs?

Because it takes long, you half-witt.

Jagged Little Pill's Track 10

A most entertaining and hilarious thing happened concerning a certain addition to the blog cirlce. Irony was redefined as An Untold Fairytale instantly died a tragic death. It's pure greatness when you create some web account you solemnly intend to devote yourself to and you thoroughly embarrass yourself (but don't tell anyone, of course) by forgetting the password. It made me laugh for quite a while when I heard about it before I realised how coincidental it was that the name of this hypothetical blog was "Death of an Untold Fairytale."
For once, it wasn't so appropriate to use "funny" as a synonym for "ironic". I just blinked and thought about it.

It will henceforth be dead and untouchable but still readable.
You can laugh, it's ok.