Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Kareema’s step-by-step guide to third year Computer Science projects

  • Form a group.
    • You’re probably going to attempt choosing your friends as team members. There’s nothing I can do to help you avoid this. Just learn the hard way, sucker.
    • Make sure you have at least one multimedia student, they work their asses off and don’t get the recognition they deserve - rocking in the realms of prettiness and cleverness (coding or anything else). Plus they have the creative intuition you will be sure to lack if you’re a BSc Computer Science. It won’t hurt if your multimedia student is Gree-, I mean Cypriot. This will ensure cultural diversity leading to many a controversial interesting conversation while you’re supposed to be working.
    • You know that guy you’ve seen in all your classes since first year, but have never spoken to? I recommend you offer him to join you. He’s a good coder, I promise. I won’t even begin to talk about his pristine articulacy.
    • Bear in mind the “documentation is for the ladies” rule and look out for self righteous girls who enjoy coding.
  • Choose a project
    • You’re all going to want different projects, so stop being an idiot and just choose the one offered by the Polelo Research group. They’re cooler. Plus you’ll get to meet EEEEZRRAAAAA! and a certain Wojcik who’ll incidentally be marking your documentation.
    • Go meet your client often to suck up so that at the end of the year they’ll give you good marks. Don’t forget to make the appropriate “oohs” and “aahs” when looking at their holiday photos.
    • The first demo will probably suck because your approach to a demo is probably going to be different for each member. Not to mention, you’re suddenly going to stop answering the evaluator’s questions and start wondering what the purpose of meaning is. Don’t worry about this. It’ll get better.
  • Cut your losses
    • " stop wasting time or money (or faith in) on something by ending your connection to it." – taken from The Free Dictionary dot com
    • You know what this means don’t you?
    • Try your best to do this before said LOSS talks to the lecturer about how pathetic the team is before deserting the rest of you.
    • Kick its hairy little ugly ass if you can too.
    • Once you take care of this (business, boy!), demos will be a lot easier.
  • Get your act together
    • Stop messing around and start working!!! That forming storming norming shmorming whatever kak is kind of true, despite your sincere passionate hatred toward anyone who attempts to create a science of group projects and their dynamics.
    • Start rounding up. Impossible, I know.
    • Declare a Compliments Day and flatter your fellow team members for no reason whatsoever.
  • Project Fair Day
    • Listen to all that Jazz on the ProjectFairInstructions.doc. It helps.
    • It would help to learn how to bullshit before this day. Perhaps you’ll pick up a tip or two from the other demos.
    • Perhaps not :/
    • Take lots of photos. This day is going to stay with you for a long time.
    • Diss anyone who offers you a job just for fun. ESPECIALLY if they mention the fact that you’re non-white. Then go hug your team members.
    • Bring water and lip gloss; you’re going to get sick of telling everyone the same shit.
    • Watch everyone else get awards, go home, eat ice cream and kiss 301 goodbye forever.
    • Don’t ever forget your team members. It was fun while it lasted wasn’t it?

Good Luck!
Love Karee :)