Monday, December 13, 2010

A Magic

There's a magic in him that he doesn't know about.
That changes the way people are when they're around him.
That makes me someone I like more.
That lightens the heart and the mind and the spirit.
That makes me feel unworthy and undeserving.
That awakens an emotion in me I never knew existed.
That attracts us all to him like bees to honey.
That plays with my hair and tugs my ear before it laughs and disappears.

There's a magic, that when it's gone, you feel it missing like water in the desert.

Praise Allah for this gift because I'm filled with the joy it brings and yet we haven't even begun.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Making you do the wacky

Love is a force, not a momentum. Love is a means, not an end. Love is the drive to the destination. Love is the road to a place I know nothing about.

Love is the carnal desire to consume and own and conquer. Love is the natural disaster you try to predict and understand and manipulate. Love is the hurt you don't realise you cause. Love is the pain you try to numb. Love is the scream inside your head that you were never meant to silence. Love is the hate you try to deny.

Love is the clarity after too much confusion.
Love is the security after all the uncertainty.
Love is finally being able to drop the masquerade.
Love is a yellow sticky note - plucked to your forehead for everyone to see what a dunce you are.

Love is the Life that's never not Great.

Inspired by conversations with Waseem and Saaj.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

When your construction is destructive...

There was a time when I was made to prove climate change and the general damage to the biosphere of the planet to people. There is a factual side to it: Life on Earth is possible only because a number of parameters lay in certain very narrow ranges. Some of these are clearly environmental. The Earth has just the right temperature and pressure to have lived with water. – Stephen Hawking

There is another way to “prove” this. If you can invoke the right emotions in people you might achieve the same thing. Consider documentaries and products designed to raise awareness about nature conservation. You will notice that emotive words such as “home” instead of “ecosystem” and “birth” instead of “creation” are used. I find this kind of approach a lot more effective. A tool more powerful than human thought seems to be human feeling.

People are by nature opportunistic and selfish. So what does all this have to do with me? What that question asks is “How am I connected to the rest of the broader sense of the word life and the idea of nature?” These scientist guys seem to think we like to separate ourselves from nature; that it is in our culture to believe that we are superior and have been given dominion over other life forms. Maybe it makes us think we are more free and not held down by restrictions.

Whatever it is, this idea of isolation scares me. Little emo teens and pre-teens slitting their wrists behind closed doors don’t scare me. But the concept of not seeing a need to be involved with and give back to and feel connected by the world and all its elements does. Why do we suppress our reflex to feel?

We all have questions about who we are. We try to answer these questions by living life the way society expects us to. We create identities for ourselves as kids all through primary and high school. Then we graduate from universities and start working, at which point we are empowered to do whatever we choose to and we start questioning what it is we actually want. I believe the answer to this question always lies in the spiritual understanding of the self. We cannot separate our understanding of ourselves from our understanding of Him.

Is it just me or are we expected to think a lot more than we are expected to feel? In fact, thinking doesn’t even seem that important any more. Information is fed to us. RSS feeds, twitter, TV and Youtube is proof of this. Does this mean that we regard our experience of things, and in effect, our feelings about them, as irrelevant for the purpose of learning?

When we visit the mountains, when we sit by the river, when we gaze out at the stars, we feel more than we think don’t we? Don’t we feel a power we know we will never fully understand? Why don’t we feel like a part of the evidence of that power?

Feeling a seamlessness with the biosphere we live in is respecting the balance and all other forms of life, it’s feeling an intrinsic connection with the people we grow to love, it’s feeling a connection to God which, I believe will answer all our questions. I believe that the solution to so many of our problems lies in understanding the feelings within us that inspire the thought to drive the necessary change. The reason it has the power to inspire is because we all feel, on some level that the world we live in is a part of us. I want us to feel so much more.

Your Rocky Spine by Great Lake Swimmers inspired this.
With your soft fingers between my claws
Like purity against resolve
I could tell then, there, we were formed from the clay
And came from the rocks for the earth to display
They told me to be careful up there
Where the wind blows a venomous rage through your hair

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Friday, March 05, 2010

Concerning Spontaneity

I've never enjoyed anyone's writing like I enjoy my sister's. She has the ability to write down feelings so that when you read it 10 years later, you're time travelling. Her writing has such an effect on me that the words hang around in my brain long afterward. Today the foremost words are, "We were brought up to understand that little girls should be at home at the time of Maghrib." Today while Maghrib adhaan was called back home, I was driving at 130km/h on a road that Daddy told me not to take.

Growing up is hard. Change has never been easy for me. Throw me into the deep end and I'll just get out of the pool. Given, enough time though, I even suprise myself. I know they say that people are intrepid and have an inexplicable ability to carry on, that norms are relative and all that, but in my case, if it's gradual enough, I could get comfortable with anything. To name a few such horrible things: friendships that are selfish, romances that make you feel inadequate, php, etc.
It's for this reason that I don't trust my own judgement. It could very easily be the case that the only reason I think something is a good idea is because I was given enough time to get used to the idea.

The point I'm trying to get to is that there has been exactly 1 big plunge I've taken in my life where I didn't get "cold feet" and jump out of the pool. It must be said that the person who pushed me was my father, who I've come to learn, knows what's best for me. If I hadn't started working at that exact time, I would've studied more. And who knows when that would've ended?

Today, I love my job and I think of it as the best decision I've made yet.

The thing about taking a plunge is that you'll know immediately whether it's good or bad. It's like nikkah. Someone recently said to me that the more you drag it out, the less blessing it has. And it's true. Because in my case, I would just be getting used to something that could be ok or really crap.

Take the plunge, people. Life is great.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Survival and Spirituality

Everyone should feel it.
Everyone should try it.
Everyone should have it.
Everyone should do it...

whether you want to or not
with whoever you can
to wherever you can

Because all life is a journey and a lesson and a test
because life is great, dude.

And I want to pass.

Thursday, January 07, 2010